Yesterday, afternoon, I was over at my step-mother’s house and a neighbor from down the street was there, also. We were consoling ourselves over the loss of another neighbor and the Dr. Phil show was on.
Dr. Phil was talking with a mother, her older daughter, and her younger daughter, who was married to a much older man whom neither the mother nor the older daughter liked. The mother and the older daughter were putting up a very active, verbal and even physical battle trying to separate the younger daughter from her older husband.
The mother was yelling that the younger daughter’s husband had verbally harassed and even physically attacked her daughter and that’s why she was trying to get her younger daughter to leave her husband.
Which prompted me to say, aloud, “Honey, you are wasting your time. If you’ve told your daughter how you honestly feel about her husband and even physically defended your daughter – against her own husband on more than one occasion – and she then turned and went back to him, then you need to let go and give that up, no matter how painful it is.”
My step-mother started yelling at me, “that’s not true. You’re supposed to make your daughter do what you want her to do.”
A bit annoyed by her reply because I’m still dealing with the implications of her point of view in my own life, I turned and as calmly as I could, replied, “Well, that accounts for a lot of what I see in the world. Grown folks who don’t know how to be grown folks because their parents never let go long enough for them to learn how to be grown folks.”
To make a long story and small battle a bit shorter, I told her, “Believe me Dr. Phil is going to tell her the same thing. It’s time to let go. It’s not her job, as a parent, to break up her daughter’s marriage. Her job is to be there when and if, her daughter’s marriage falls apart. It’s her job as a parent now, to be there to help her daughter pick up the pieces and get back on her feet.”
Now, I’d like to say that that knowledge came with wisdom and age, but it didn’t.
That knowledge came from all of the psychiatric counseling sessions I was forced to attend because of the stalkers. They convinced people that it was my behavior that was causing them to scream and holler constantly. In other words, my being alive was the reason they were screaming.
But guess what I learned in those psychiatric sessions (Maywood Police, Exxon Company, U.S.A., Albertson’s) that I was forced (if I wanted to keep my job) into attending.
“I am not the reason Big and/or Little Crazy Ass Susie down the block is screaming her head off. Crazy Ass Susie is just crazy.
That is not your fault and nothing you did, unless you physically attacked her or bullied her every single day of life, caused that. Have you ever attacked her in any way? And when I’d say, no, I haven’t. They’re always the ones attacking me.”
Then, the psychiatrist would say, “then, you’re not the reason she’s crazy. Miss Ankum, you can go.”
Then get up from his chair, walk over to the intercom button, press it, and then say, “I want to talk to the ones who are screaming.”
As I’ve written before, that happened every single time.
I learned from those sessions that grown folks are going to do what grown folks want to do. And the crazier they are, the more they’re going to do what they want to do.
So, take this advice to heart. You are not the reason someone is screaming in your head. They’re screaming, in your head, because they want to because they enjoy screaming in your head or outside your home, or at your job, or at your Church. It’s what they want to do.
It’s the same with women who stay with men who verbally and physically assault them. Because, he’s the only man who has said to them, “I love you baby.”
Matthew 7:22-23 King James Version (KJV)
22 Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works?
23 And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity.
Eliza D. Ankum
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